How to Get Your Point Across Without Being Aggressive

Guides for good human relations

Ask questions to win co-operation

Always ask for an individuals opinion
Ask them to do you a little favour
Cool off an individual by asking questions
Ask questions to get others to relate certain experiences
When asking questions do not
Pry into personal affairs
Ask unless you are pretty sure the person can answer them
Cross examine
Do it in an antagonising way
Do it to show off

Ask them could we do it together

The magic questions – in addition to that….

Ask questions instead of talking back

Try giving orders in the form of questions
Be brief to clear up troubles

Keep quiet and listen to the other person
When a situation is tense – listen
When someone is angry be brief – let them talk
X + Y + Z = Success

X = Hard work, Y = Play, Z = Ability to keep your mouth shut

Confidence bearing to help others

Hesitation and timidity holds them back
Look at the person intensely when talking to them and when they are talking to you
Keep confidence in letters and reports
Directness to make personal contact

Notice others and let them know it by directness
Look at the person intensely when talking to them and when they are talking to you
Be sure to reach the person – talk to them

A sincere faith in the importance of the other person
There is no leadership without sincerity
Talk and act as if you meant it, not to arouse antagonism with sincerity
Rules for managers

Remember that the desire for importance motivates nearly everything we do. Make others feel important, make the person feel that they mean something to you.

Speak to your employees and acquaintances whenever warranted; if someone deserves a compliment always give it to them.

Be an honestly interested listener, let the other person talk. Find out what makes them tick.

Jingle praise to secure best effects

Some people are tight lipped with their words of praise because they feel that only the world’s best deserve it. They neglect the opportunities that are always at hand, praise for little things count as much in stimulating one to do ones happy best as does acclaim for the top most accomplishments.

Forget looking for big things to praise – look for little ones.

Praise counts most when it comes from the boss or a close relative and those are the ones who are most likely to neglect it.

Don’t imagine you are looking to notice and praise little things in little people, the praise that counts more in making the workers certain of themselves, that keeps them interested has a letter “P” in front of it – like this P-raise.

The best way to stimulate is to say something encouraging or say nothing.

If you do not use praise in handling people, you are not leading them.

Practice jingling praise in your own family, little compliments to husband, wife or partner helps human relations in the family.

One of the best ways to get praise for ourselves is to give it to others first.

Know your people to generate harmony

People crave to be noticed, to be known especially by the boss. Nothing takes the place of being acquainted with the boss, and knowing that the boss is acquainted with you.

Mental level 1 – The closed mind

The first mental level is the closed mind, this is the dog house level which people think “nuts to you”, oh yeah etc no matter what you say they are against it, their minds are closed to anything you suggest.

How can we open this closed mind, the answer is not as easily given as one thinks, because many people don’t realise that they have a closed mind and the ability to open a persons mind will depend on your mental attitude toward that person, your willingness to understand them and help them to be right. Opening their mind is your first step toward getting them to believe what you say and do what you want.

Your first job is to open their mind by persuasion and when you do this you are perfectly sincere about it the other person is much more likely to open their mind and listen to your side of the question. When you open your mind and approach a question from the other person point of view you have a good chance to round out a complete picture of the facts and to find out and admit it if the other person is right and you are wrong in some respect. Once you prove yourself capable of doing this the other person is inclined to want to prove that they are capable of being just as fair and just as open minded as you are.

Whenever any two people open their minds, each to the other they are well on the way toward a common agreement. On the other hand two closed minded people may argue forever and not arrive anywhere.

In getting down to cases you can classify your everyday situation as they come up under one of three main headings, each of which can be discussed in its own area.

First, sometimes you are right and the other person is wrong.

Secondly, sometimes you are wrong and the other person is right.

Each one of these can be used in discussing the means of opening a closed mind.

Mental level 2 – The open mind

When you have a person with an open mind then you immediately know that what you say is considered and perhaps accepted by the individual. Once you have opened a persons mind by helping them to be right, above all you’re certain that you’ll have a hearing. What you say or do from there on determines whether you gain their confidence or know the reason why not.

Mental level 3 – Confidence

If you have a good reason for opening a persons mind, they will have confidence in you and their attitude towards you will be friendly. They will be willing to do what you want but will want to know the reason why.

There is nothing mysterious about gaining a person’s confidence, it depends upon our everyday thoughts and actions in little things as-well as in big things. Whenever you feed an open minded person with favourable evidence you gain their confidence as everyone is favourably impressed when you show them that you are thinking and acting in terms of their interest as well as your own. In other words think of the other person’s interest.

It is also very important to select the right time to present your evidence, no matter how foolish you consider the other person’s interest, no matter how much you deserve their confidence there is a right time and a wrong time to present it.

There is a right time and a wrong time to ask for a favour, everyone has their moments and it is up to you to be patient and bide your time until those moments come.

Mental level 4 – Belief

Confidence if consistently cultured and nurtured with favourable evidence will eventually develop into sound belief. Once you have gained a persons confidence your next step is to keep on showing them in every new situation that arises that you are worthy of their belief in you. A belief relationship represents the highest plain of human relationships, to believe in one another is not the most civilized, the most satisfying and the most beautiful form of human relationship, but it is the most efficient and you can easily see why. The person who is merely open minded requires complete proof before they will do as you ask, while even the person who has confidence in you requires some proof but as their confidence in you grows they require less and less proof before they follow your recommendations and when they believe in you they do what you ask without delay.

The average person anywhere can be persuaded providing enough evidence is given to them, that confidence and belief relationships with others should be planned and extended to anyone who deserves such trust for the simple reason that such relationships provide the basis for the most productive and most satisfying ways of living.

People want to believe in you, they would rather believe you are right, rather than have to exert themselves to examine and analyse everything you say to find out whether there are any loop holes or selfish motives, that’s the test of a belief relationship. Whenever you feel that a person is ready to believe in you, just ask them to do something of some importance without giving them evidence of proof why they should do it, and see what they do.

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